!= Google

December 28, 2008 – 7:41 am by Adnan Hodzic

I believe I’ll break many hearts with this post, some may agree, and some may not. What I definitely want to state before even writing anything is that this isn’t hate talk or anything like it, but just simply being completely objective, and looking at this whole Google thing from a distant stand point, and of course only present you with most obvious facts.

Now get yourself a cup of coffee, play the most metal, aggressive, brutal, music you have on your comuter and let me take you to a journey of hatred Wink

How Google and I met

First of all, I started using Google around ~99 this isn’t a short time period, almost ten years eh? I remember I was using Altavista and Astalavista (for those who remember good old times) which was such a great search engine, it just kicked ass. Then I can’t remember what happened to it, but to put it simple, it was gone. Then I actually switched to Yahoo for a short period of time; however, back then you simply couldn’t find anything, if you were looking for something … oh man, sometimes if you’re looking for something really “stashed” your search could be prologue up to half an hour.

And then one day I heard about this thing called Google, Googled” for the first time and viola, I was there within matter of seconds! It truly came into my life as some kind of epiphany.

So what’s the problem?

Well, problem is right there, I just said I Googled, and it came across completely unnoticed. Let me use definition for “Googled” right from UrbanDictionary:

Googled:

To do an internet search on someone/ something.
How do you know all of this about Spiderman? I googled him.

I must say, very interesting indeed. Why is this interesting, because this same word has been added to worlds dictionaries, and there’s nothing wrong with it really, except when this holy, all-knowing, thing is actually not so all knowing. Maybe that’s a problem, if this word is automatically associated with you “searching them internet”.

This whole foolcontrol, isn’t listed on Google at all. Let’s say that Google has the worlds most powerful spiders, crawlers and all other uber stuff. How come you haven’t came across foolcontrol.org for whole year? And especially, that this whole thing was previously hosted on Blogspot (owned by Google). It get’s even more interesting, that I pretty much do this stuff for living, so I know what I’m doing, optimization to the fullest and all, but nah … it won’t happen.

Then, a month ago or so, I actually tried using Google Webmaster Tools in order to get my site listed on Google, I even changed my DNS, stopped using my privately owned ones (even tho there was nothing wrong with it), and then came the interesting part, sitemaps.

Sitemaps, jolly fella sitemaps …

The Sitemaps protocol allows a webmaster to inform search engines about URLs on a website that are available for crawling. A Sitemap is an XML file that lists the URLs for a site. It allows webmasters to include additional information about each URL: when it was last updated, how often it changes, and how important it is in relation to other URLs in the site. This allows search engines to crawl the site more intelligently. Sitemaps are a URL inclusion protocol and complement robots.txt, a URL exclusion protocol.
(http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Sitemaps)

They are especially benificial for Flash and Ajax rich sites, which FoolControl really isn’t. I have problem with my sitemaps, Google will return error on every single on of them, and I have tried from writing my own to various generators, official Google Sitemap generator, to plugins and this and that, but I keep getting them errors. And let me be clear, I’m writing this stuff all the time, it really isn’t me.

Now, I’m not really selling any conspiracy theories here, and I know times can change but at moments it seems like you don’t know what you’re doing, but that’s kinda silly to say, you set your standards, you let me do your job. The reason I’m saying this is because Google hates wordpress, period.

I even tried sending “Request reconsideration” under those same webmaster tools, told them my story and all, but their search engine decided to disregard “consideration” and email, it just thought it wasn’t important enough. I mean, let’s get real they are so big that they have to use these “sophisticated” methods, no need for human, nothing. Therefor, of course I never got my reply. I bet that they don’t do this at Microsoft, you didn’t know we wouldn’t reply? Aww, you turd.

And reason I hate them for this is because of their Blogspot/Blogger, I mean come on, this really reminds me of Microsoft’s “shared code policy”, here, you can change everything the code and all, it’s really yours, but it isn’t.

Google, you either buy that same WordPress or you don’t, and stop hatin’. Wtf o_O, typical Microsoft behavior, why didn’t Google sell to Microsoft? Why would they? Microsoft figured out that it’s all going to be software on people desks, got billions, Google figured that software running on all those desks will be on internet, and that it’s all moving to internet, so let’s grab that piece of pie.

Google is new Microsoft really, just in different form, in form which will crawl under your skin, and then try to hide its face the whole time. And say what again, what’s your moto again? “Don’t be evil”? … what a load of shit. And I told myself, for some time right now that I’ll try to minimize cursing.

And back to the, my problem, if there wasn’t an actual verb “Googling“, but if you have billions and billions of pages, and you get one, even though you submit it, and do all the optimization and all that, then we have a problem. Btw, other search engines, have foolcontrol indexed:

Clusty, Ask, Yahoo, Live/MSN, AltaVista … but from this example, I believe Clusty and Ask are the best ones at doing their job, being search engine. I even thing I’ll make final switch to Clusty, this search engine … impresses me. And in the end, please check Google, but no Google made sitemaps, so you can do their job. I mean … you really should, “Googling” is in dictionary, I don’t want you “Clusting” or anything.

Products

I believe this is how Google got itself into this whole mess. They moved away from being what really made them “big”, Gmail is superb, Docs are great, but what da fuck is the deal with the rest of the products.

Don’t get me wrong, if it wasn’t for some Google products (like Adsense) I wouldn’t be where I am right now. Btw, the fact that they have losed a touch with reality is that one long time ago they actually banned me from Adsense program. I was young and stupid, engaged in hosting business and I needed big bucks, what else to say? I got banned, yes, my bad, won’t happen again. Even send them few emails, trying to apologize and all that, didn’t really work.

Ok, then I got banned again, and again, and again, this is my 4th Adsense account. Now, if any of you haters from Google is reading this, yes, please do ban this one as well, cuz I’ll get another one, and we’ll find ourselves in deadlock infinite loop.

But if your support, emails and all weren’t handled by your superior search that knows everything, we could go over this like men.

Now a bit of Google products that I haven’t even tried due to their quality and need.
Chrome, ok, all I’ll say is, wtf is this? Google Chrome is Fast, as was its EULA Backlash, Desktop, Lively, Picasa (I tried Picasa, even tried using it, but this is worst *nix “port” [if you can even call it like that] ever), Web Accelator (xD), Google Earth … rarely needed, but it’s actually good, if you’re CNN. Pack, I actually blogged about this one. Checkout, you can only dream that’s it gonna happend.

Youtube, again not original Google product but … wtf is with this community? Are only trolls hanging out on Youtube? It got so bad that instead of Youtube, I started curing my hangovers on Facebook. And the last drop was when they actually removed my video that had over 500.000 views, Google is so good and pure that’s it’s making me sick really.

And when did I write “heads up” about Youtube? January 17, 2007 (Converting vegeterians)
I could really go on like this, forever, but I’ll just stop.

I just want to talk about one thing in the meantime, Gmail is great, it handles 5-6 of my email accounts, and I use it even tho I have my own mail server. But, WTF has happened with Gmail mobile 2.x, wtf please do tell me, here’s one of the not so serious “bugs”. So right now I’m just left without email on my phone. Google rockz!

Oh oh, and one more thing, wassup with you fuckers talking shit about Google Talk? What? It’s good? Listen you ignorant pricks, Google Talk = XMPP = Jabber = has all those “features” long time before they are implemented into famous Google Talk itself. So don’t I even hear you come again, oooh they have implemented smileys and group chat! They have broken the barrier once again, and those same features have been in Jabber itself for years, which again, is not a multi-billion funded company.

Docs, are just awesome, what I also like is trends and analytics, which again isn’t Google original product, but Urchin. Oh yea, code.google.com, Googlet for them developers, I wanna play one video for you … no need to see the whole thing if you don’t wanna

Feeling I get from this is … I’m not really even sure I wanna work at this no1 place in the world to work for. Listen, I’m not sure you missed class or something, but you can’t say from “…doing something stupid” You can’t just go on tell people are doing something “stupid” I’m a arrogant bastard, but you can’t go on like that, there are dozen of synonyms for stupid. But no, that’s the “father talk”, uber talk, l337, for we are Google.

Back to sitemaps

So did sitempas really get me all this pissed off? Yes, they have. And, me being me, I did solve the “puzzle”, I had to, in contrary I couldn’t play “smart” here Smile

So, I spend almost a month with sitemaps, I write my own, I do this and that, I even almost change my web hosting (and it would be ~100gb data transfer; but I was about to do it!) Then, it somehow came to me .htaccess

So, if you tried everything and you can’t pass by your “Google sitemaps unsupported file format“, here’s that dirty hack you’re looking for:

vim

# protect the htaccess file
<files .htaccess>
order allow,deny
deny from all
</files>

# disable the server signature
ServerSignature Off

# limit file uploads to 10mb
LimitRequestBody 10240000

# protect wpconfig.php
<files wp-config.php>
order allow,deny
deny from all
</files>

#who has access who doesnt
order allow,deny
#deny from 000.000.000.000
allow from all

#custom error docs
ErrorDocument 404 /notfound.php
ErrorDocument 403 /forbidden.php
ErrorDocument 500 /error.php

# disable directory browsing
Options All -Indexes

#redirect old to new
Redirect 301 /old.php http://www.yourdomain.com/new.php

#block referring domains
RewriteEngine on
RewriteCond %{HTTP_REFERER} digg\.com [NC]
RewriteRule .* – [F]

#disable hotlinking of images with forbidden or custom image option
RewriteEngine on
RewriteCond %{HTTP_REFERER} !^$
RewriteCond %{HTTP_REFERER} !^http://(www\.)?yourdomain.com/.*$ [NC]
#RewriteRule \.(gif|jpg)$ – [F]
#RewriteRule \.(gif|jpg)$ http://www.yourdomain.com/stealingisbad.gif [R,L]

# php compression – use with caution
#<ifmodule mod_php4.c>
#php_value zlib.output_compression 16386
#</ifmodule>

# set the canonical url
#RewriteEngine On
#RewriteCond %{HTTP_HOST} ^yourdomain\.com$ [NC]
#RewriteRule ^(.*)$ http://www.yourdomain.com/$1 [R=301,L]

# protect from spam comments
#RewriteEngine On
#RewriteCond %{REQUEST_METHOD} POST
#RewriteCond %{REQUEST_URI} .wp-comments-post\.php*
#RewriteCond %{HTTP_REFERER} !.*yourdomain.com.* [OR]
#RewriteCond %{HTTP_USER_AGENT} ^$
#RewriteRule (.*) ^http://%{REMOTE_ADDR}/$ [R=301,L]

wq! .htaccess

Upload to your ~/public_html/ and that’s it … oh yea, to interrupt malicious hacking attempts … chmod it to 644

This week itself, I had three people asking me for a “copy” of IcePress, which I’ll also make sure it has this same .htacccess included. This is really going to be my next step, just wait after new years, in the meantime I’ll think about how I’ll pack it and distribute it.

Conclusion

I presume some of you haters have a question for me. Was this much text needed for such quick and dirty hack? Yes, I’m pissed on you people just talking about Google, and Google not doing thing it’s most popular for right. Stop, talking, stop trolling, it’s easy to be ignorant fuck, and say damn hommie, Google 0wns. I responsibly claim that only kids (read 18 year olds) have Google as their “god”, if you’re older then that, then you have a problem.

Don’t let Google take your cool

To find everything profound – that is an inconvenient trait. It makes one strain one’s eyes all the time, and in the end one finds more than one might have wished.

– Friedrich Nietzsche, The Gay Science

Now turn off that heterodestructive music and enjoy your day Smile


Here’s somthing to get you started